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When it comes to lying in a relationship, some falsehoods seem to be more acceptable than others. For instance, lying about who you hang out with every Friday night is obviously not OK. Lying about liking your partner’s taste in music, especially during the early days, can be considered harmless. But relationship experts say, even if your partner doesn't lie about big things, the smallest lies or lying by omission can still affect your relationship in a major way. If your partner can't be honest about a few key issues, your relationship may be in trouble.

As Nadine Smiley, relationship coach at The Relationship Couch, tells Bustle, 'In order for a relationship to last, couples need to be honest about almost everything.” That means no lying by omission in a relationship or changing information in an effort to reduce conflict. Even lies meant to save your partner from hurt feelings can sometimes backfire and break the trust in your relationship.

While a big lie, like covering up an affair, is an obvious trust-killer, Kara Laricks, Three Day Rule's LGBTQ+ matchmaker and dating expert, tells Bustle that even the small lies can cause rifts, too. 'Lies tend to multiply and cause a barrier between you and your partner,' she says. 'The beauty of an intimate relationship is that lack of barriers. And that lack of barriers is what sets your relationship apart from all the other relationships in your life. If long-term intimacy is your goal, leave the lies behind.'

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Below, experts share the lies that are red flags and what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship.

Your partner may not be cheating. But minimizing the extent of their interactions with others, whether it be an ex or a co-worker, indicates that they're doing something you’d probably not approve of. After all, if they're not doing anything wrong, why would they need to hide it or be less than completely honest? 'If you have interactions with others, share that information when you typically talk about your day,' Dr. Catherine Jackson, board certified neurotherapist who specializes in relationship coaching, tells Bustle. 'That way, nobody's hiding anything.'

If your partner lies about being over their ex when they're not, you’ll likely have trouble making your current relationship work. For one, cheating will be a concern, especially if their ex is still in their life. Secondly, this shows that your partner can't be honest about their feelings with you.

As Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells Bustle, 'It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who can't be honest, authentic, and real.” If this is something that bothers you, talk it out with them to see if it's something you can move past together.

Unless they’re planning a surprise for you, there’s really no reason for your partner to lie about what they’re doing on their computer. As Angelika Koch, a relationship coach with LGBTQ+ dating platform and app, TAIMI, tells Bustle, “You should never ignore any lies in a relationship, no matter how big or how small. Paying attention to the lies is essential in the relationship because it shows you the level of honesty and openness that person has.”

Even them not sharing what movie they’re watching could lead you to question why they’re not telling you. Do they not trust you? Do they think you’d just laugh at them? What else are they lying about?

What To Do When Someone Lies To You In A Relationship

To be fair, many people lie and have lied in relationships. In fact, licensed psychologist Rachel Needle, Psy.D., says white lies are very common in relationship. But that doesn’t mean that should be tolerated.

“Each person has to decide for themselves what the dealbreakers in their relationship are,” Needle says. “Chronic lying or lies for personal gain, are some that many consider too much to come back from in a relationship, especially when your partner is not open to or willing to do work on themselves.”

When you find out that your partner has lied to you, consider the lie that was told, and then think about why your partner chose to lie in the first place. Did they lie to intentionally deceive, manipulate, or take advantage of you? Or, do they have low self-esteem and wanted to “sell” you on something that wasn’t true in order to look good?

If the answer to any of these questions is “Yes,” clinical psychologist, Dr. Carla Marie Manly suggests discussing the issue with your partner to see if trust can be rebuilt. “If your partner is consistently evasive, does not take responsibility, or continues to lie, exiting the relationship may be your only way to save your psychological health, self-esteem, and sanity,” she says.

But if your partner is willing to take responsibility, lies can present an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. As long as you and your partner are both determined to create a more open and honest relationship, this may be something you can overcome.

Experts

Nadine Smiley, relationship coach at The Relationship Couch

Dr. Catherine Jackson, board certified neurotherapist who specializes in relationship coaching

Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist and owner of Create Your Life Studio

Katie Ziskind, licensed marriage and family therapist

April Davis, matchmaker and relationship expert

Angelika Koch, a relationship coach with LGBTQ+ dating platform and app, TAIMI

Rachel Needle, Psy.D., licensed psychologist and Executive Director at the Whole Health Psychological Center

Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., licensed marriage and family therapist

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist

When you get the results of a Myers-Briggs Personality test, it’s almost as if everything about you — who you aspire to be, how you treat people in relationships and so on — suddenly makes so much sense. And maybe you’ve been on a date before and brought up your own personality type, or even quizzed a potential match about theirs to see if you’re compatible. But now, you can make your personality test results a key part of your online dating experience with So Syncd.

Started by sisters Jessica and Louella Anderson, So Synced is the first dating app and website that uses personality test results, aiming to “cut through the noise and match partners on the basis of more than just a couple of photos.” It’s based on their own personal experience: After dealing with a breakup of her own, Jessica analyzed everything, including her personality type (a classic INFJ). Here, she realized that the writing was on the wall all along: She was never truly compatible with her ex-boyfriend. After explaining her new theory to her sister (an ESFJ), they dreamed up the idea of matching with potential solemates based on personality tests alone — not the photos, question prompts or whatever else you find on other top dating apps.

Now, So Synced has matched 300 couples (and counting) with a recent expansion to the United States. The app is fairly easy to use: First, new users take a five-minute personality test, inspired by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, to find their personality type. The 16 different personality types are broken up into four key groups: the idealists (INFP, ENFP, INFJ and ENFJ), the rationals (INTP, ENTP, INTJ and ENTJ), the guardians (ISFJ, ESFJ, ISTJ and ESTJ), and the explorers (ISFP, ESFP, ISTP and ESTP). From there, So Synced will match you with other singles, keeping the results of your personality test top of mind.

“We match people who have just the right amount of similarities to form a strong connection and just the right amount of differences to create that spark,”Louella, COO and co-founder of So Syncd, explains in the company’s recent press release. “We’ve been studying personality type compatibility for three years now and that’s what we’ve found works best.”

The goal: to connect people in a deeper way, far more meaningful than a quick fill-in-the-blank prompt or photo. To date, tens of thousands of people have joined So Synced with hundreds finding success. Interestingly enough, the app has a 50/50 split of males and females, making it a great place for everyone — no matter who or what they’re into.

Ready to give So Synced a try? Download the app on the App Store or Google Play.

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